Those weird dreams where no one understands me. Everyone thinks the worst of me and I am crying and running away; desperate to find someone who loves me and will hold me and think the best of me.
I had one of those dreams the other night. It reminded me that there really is a hole deep inside me that no human can ever filll. In the dream it's like I've committed a horrible crime and I can't even live with myself. Everyone rejects me.
I realized that's how it is in real life. I HAVE committed a heinous crime. I've been a criminal my whole life. In no way, shape, or form do I measure up to God's standards. The One who my soul craves and the only One from whom I can truly experience love and forgiveness is too holy for me to even look at.
He could leave me there. A criminal all alone in self-pity and hate. Honestly I can't believe He doesn't.
In my dreams there is usually someone who finally rescues me. Sometimes it is a person who just holds me tight and fills me with hope that I won't be condemned forever. Sometimes I run far away and cry out to God and He comforts me. Either way I awake feeling like a stranger to this world and like Jesus knows my intermost thoughts and emotions deeper than even I do. He creates a strange longing in my heart.
The real life story hits me again. Jesus IS the One I really can cling to. Why? Because He loved me so much that He died to purchase my soul. God saw my crimes and sent His Son to pour out His precious blood as a covering for what I had done. Now God sees Jesus when He looks at me. That hole in my heart can be filled now. Filled with the only One who can satisfy. My identity is no longer in myself. It is entirely in Christ. I could never be enough and I never will be enough. But I find my rest in the One who IS enough.
He knows me by name. He calls me His own. He will never leave or forsake me. I can't earn His favor and I also can't hit a limit to His forgiveness. He is faithful.
Thursday, December 21, 2017
Friday, June 9, 2017
The meaning to life is doing dishes, right?
You will find purpose and meaning when you get married.
Nope. Nada. You WILL find lots of dishes and laundry and constantly think "how on earth can two people possibly make one place so messy? In ONE DAY?!"
You WILL find purpose in the fact that dinner may not be ready and the house may not be cleaned if you weren't there. But then you will start to wonder if that's all you were made for. Being a wife is a high calling, no doubt, but what is it that your soul is really craving? Each newly folded shirt seems to scream, "It's not me! You were made for more!"
But what?
If you start thinking "My hubby will give me purpose." then you again will be sorely disappointed. Your husband is not there to complete you or give you meaning. If you find your value in him alone (no matter how wonderful and handsome - I would know, mine is a spiritual hunk of awesomeness), you elevate him above Christ. By putting him that high, you become irrational in your expectations and hopes of your husband! If you want him to complete you, you're doomed.
Okay, well that was super helpful. I was confused about what I was supposed to do BEFORE marriage. Now I'm married and still confused.
How about this: You will find purpose in your job and/or skills.
Nope. Nada. You WILL find stress levels that go out the wazoo. Successes that sometimes go south and turn into failures, resulting in self-loathing. Pride about your work and talents. (<--- "Pride goeth before a fall" Anyone?) You will find yourself thinking "Yeah this is great, but this isn't what my soul CRAVES. Wasn't I made for more?"
You will find purpose and meaning when you look super hot.
Nope. Nada. You WILL find that you've cut yourself off the people that care the most about you. You will find loneliness and despair when you realize that no matter how much weight you lose, you're not happy. You will find obsessions and destructive habits. You might even find a good looking body in the end. . . but then you will wonder "was it worth it? Wasn't I made for more than looks?"
You will find purpose and meaning....when?
I actually pondered this question quite a bit before coming to an okay answer. I have struggled with this angst for years. To be honest, I STILL struggle with it.
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." -Genesis 2:27
Image Bearer: I was created in the very image of God Almighty. As a Christian, He has redeemed me from my sin and covered me with the blood of Christ. Now I stand before the Lord blameless and my mission (PURPOSE and MEANING) is to bring Him glory.
"Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith" -Hebrews 12:2a
My purpose and identity is found solely in Jesus. When I am looking at my circumstances or problems, I am blinding myself. My eyes are turned inward and I can't possibly be looking up at Jesus. But what if? What if I turned my gaze outward and upward? What if my life is no longer my own and I get to live as a steward of what God has given me?
He has called me to many things! He has given my life purpose and meaning. He calls me to be a servant. He calls me to build His Kingdom and not my own. He calls me to lay aside my wants and dreams. He calls me to die to myself. He sacrificed His life for mine. He died for me. How could I give any less than this?
My purpose is to serve the Lord Jesus and bring Him glory.
Is it easy? No. I sure haven't figured it out. I cry and question Him and think "God, will you ever show me what to do??" But He always makes a way. And a still small voice whispers "Keep your eyes fixed on Me."
Nope. Nada. You WILL find lots of dishes and laundry and constantly think "how on earth can two people possibly make one place so messy? In ONE DAY?!"
You WILL find purpose in the fact that dinner may not be ready and the house may not be cleaned if you weren't there. But then you will start to wonder if that's all you were made for. Being a wife is a high calling, no doubt, but what is it that your soul is really craving? Each newly folded shirt seems to scream, "It's not me! You were made for more!"
But what?
If you start thinking "My hubby will give me purpose." then you again will be sorely disappointed. Your husband is not there to complete you or give you meaning. If you find your value in him alone (no matter how wonderful and handsome - I would know, mine is a spiritual hunk of awesomeness), you elevate him above Christ. By putting him that high, you become irrational in your expectations and hopes of your husband! If you want him to complete you, you're doomed.
Okay, well that was super helpful. I was confused about what I was supposed to do BEFORE marriage. Now I'm married and still confused.
How about this: You will find purpose in your job and/or skills.
Nope. Nada. You WILL find stress levels that go out the wazoo. Successes that sometimes go south and turn into failures, resulting in self-loathing. Pride about your work and talents. (<--- "Pride goeth before a fall" Anyone?) You will find yourself thinking "Yeah this is great, but this isn't what my soul CRAVES. Wasn't I made for more?"
You will find purpose and meaning when you look super hot.
Nope. Nada. You WILL find that you've cut yourself off the people that care the most about you. You will find loneliness and despair when you realize that no matter how much weight you lose, you're not happy. You will find obsessions and destructive habits. You might even find a good looking body in the end. . . but then you will wonder "was it worth it? Wasn't I made for more than looks?"
You will find purpose and meaning....when?
I actually pondered this question quite a bit before coming to an okay answer. I have struggled with this angst for years. To be honest, I STILL struggle with it.
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." -Genesis 2:27
Image Bearer: I was created in the very image of God Almighty. As a Christian, He has redeemed me from my sin and covered me with the blood of Christ. Now I stand before the Lord blameless and my mission (PURPOSE and MEANING) is to bring Him glory.
"Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith" -Hebrews 12:2a
My purpose and identity is found solely in Jesus. When I am looking at my circumstances or problems, I am blinding myself. My eyes are turned inward and I can't possibly be looking up at Jesus. But what if? What if I turned my gaze outward and upward? What if my life is no longer my own and I get to live as a steward of what God has given me?
He has called me to many things! He has given my life purpose and meaning. He calls me to be a servant. He calls me to build His Kingdom and not my own. He calls me to lay aside my wants and dreams. He calls me to die to myself. He sacrificed His life for mine. He died for me. How could I give any less than this?
My purpose is to serve the Lord Jesus and bring Him glory.
Is it easy? No. I sure haven't figured it out. I cry and question Him and think "God, will you ever show me what to do??" But He always makes a way. And a still small voice whispers "Keep your eyes fixed on Me."
Friday, May 20, 2016
Masks
I literally googled "blog post prompts" to try and think of something to blog about.
Isn't it fascinating that people write blog posts about how (and about what) to write blog posts?
Is my writing style sarcastic or blunt? Witty or boring? I ask a lot of questions. Am I going crazy??
One of the websites I found listed dozens of one-word prompts.
In a culture that is stuck on expressing our own self-identity, we are surprisingly adept at hiding behind our masks that result from insecurity.
I am totally insecure. I wonder all the time what people think of me. Actually, that's one of the reasons I don't blog much! I feel very uncreative and deplete of well thought-out posts. What will people think of my attempts to write?
My insecurity is displayed in a host of ways - many different masks. My insecurity results in an inability to serve others. How can I concentrate on serving when my mind is in a constant rat race of trying to be better or feel better about myself?
Jesus. Was He hiding behind a mask? Uh, no. I don't think so. And guess what?? He was able to serve others better than anyone in history! Coincidence? I think not. ;)
Hmm, another one of my insecurities is that I don't feel equipped to end a thought. Or a post.
So I'll just pretend like I'm writing a cliff-hanger.
Isn't it fascinating that people write blog posts about how (and about what) to write blog posts?
Is my writing style sarcastic or blunt? Witty or boring? I ask a lot of questions. Am I going crazy??
One of the websites I found listed dozens of one-word prompts.
"Friend" "Window" "Legacy" "Flow" "Incomplete" "Colorful" "Giggle"Human experiences and feelings fluctuate and differ from person to person. If people are like snowflakes in their uniqueness, then each life story is the same way! One word can mean a flood of good memories for one individual and a world of heartache for another.
"Mask"That is the word that especially stuck out to me while scrolling through these prompts.
In a culture that is stuck on expressing our own self-identity, we are surprisingly adept at hiding behind our masks that result from insecurity.
I am totally insecure. I wonder all the time what people think of me. Actually, that's one of the reasons I don't blog much! I feel very uncreative and deplete of well thought-out posts. What will people think of my attempts to write?
My insecurity is displayed in a host of ways - many different masks. My insecurity results in an inability to serve others. How can I concentrate on serving when my mind is in a constant rat race of trying to be better or feel better about myself?
Jesus. Was He hiding behind a mask? Uh, no. I don't think so. And guess what?? He was able to serve others better than anyone in history! Coincidence? I think not. ;)
Hmm, another one of my insecurities is that I don't feel equipped to end a thought. Or a post.
So I'll just pretend like I'm writing a cliff-hanger.
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
When I am dry YOU fill me up.
Why does God seem far away?
Just typing it makes me excited!! I should have an incredible passion and zeal for my Creator and live every single moment solely for Him! But I don't. I fall again into the hopelessness of my own sin nature; everyday desperately needing forgiveness and help from my Savior. And He freely gives it.
My problem? I dwell in those sins and forget to repent. TURN from them. I don't "feel" like obeying or trusting Him completely. I seek after my own comforts and forget the goodness of the God who saved me from myself.
That's been a constant theme in my life lately. Forgetting God. I'm sick of that. My prayer right now is that the Lord will remind and help me to be a servant who is
I pray. Read His Word. Talk about Him to people. Why do I feel so dry?
I pray. Do I listen? Am I repenting and thanking or bargaining and demanding?
I read His Word. Is my devotions just another check mark off the list of the day?
I talk about Him to people. Are my words just an extension of my hypocrisy?
Why do I feel so dry? Am I obeying Him?
In some versions of the Bible, Romans 12 is labeled as "Marks of a True Christian". I've been reading over that list several times in the last week. Verses such as
"Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another;" and "Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;"jump out at me and slap me squarely in the face. It's almost as if I'm reading this chapter and seeing more and more how much I fail at every single one of those things. How much I fail Christ.
I can't do it on my own. On my strength I trip and fall and feel further from Jesus than ever before. I should feel incredible hopeless right now. And I do. Save for one fact.
Jesus paid it all.ALL. Every time I fail and realize again how far from God I am? Jesus paid for that moment. It's not how "good" I am that saves me...it's how GREAT God is. I can do absolutely nothing apart from Him! Yet as a Christian, He now indwells me and enables me to serve Him and bring glory to His name.
Just typing it makes me excited!! I should have an incredible passion and zeal for my Creator and live every single moment solely for Him! But I don't. I fall again into the hopelessness of my own sin nature; everyday desperately needing forgiveness and help from my Savior. And He freely gives it.
My problem? I dwell in those sins and forget to repent. TURN from them. I don't "feel" like obeying or trusting Him completely. I seek after my own comforts and forget the goodness of the God who saved me from myself.
That's been a constant theme in my life lately. Forgetting God. I'm sick of that. My prayer right now is that the Lord will remind and help me to be a servant who is
"Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit, serving the Lord;" -Romans 12:11
"God, empty my hands of anything that keeps me from reaching out to you."
"Our weakness is a vessel for His power and our flaws a canvas for His grace."
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Maybe Someday
"Maybe I'll try it sometime when I'm feeling brave. I will just be safe today."
The lady opposite me was simply referring to a new menu item on our menu.
The Soba Chicken Noodle Broth Bowl sounds rather exotic when compared to French Onion soup with a half sandwich. Rather than exceed her comfort levels and experience new things she might hate, the customer decided to indulge in an old favorite she knew would taste good!
But her words penetrated my mind.
They made me wonder how many times I had said the exact same thing to God. "Maybe I'll try that sometime when I'm feeling brave, Jesus, but I will just be safe today."
My comfort zone isn't something I like to expand very often. It fits me. It's safe and predictable.
My comfort zone does NOT grow me. It does NOT make me more dependent on Christ. It does NOT allow me to take step out in faith.
When Jesus tells me to go and talk to someone about Him, to offer a helping hand, or maybe even make a major life decision, what is my answer to His command?
Will I take the risk? Step outside my comfort zone and trust Him? Or will I tell Him
"Maybe sometime...but not today. I will just be safe today."How many opportunities Jesus has given me to grow have I refused? Oh how I want to always give a joyful "yes!" to the leading of my dear kind Father, no matter where He takes me!
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
The Vitalness of Gratefulness
"Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58So I'm over here mildly freaking out about my future when I read this verse. Bam. It's like God said "My dear daughter, I know you're worried about what step is next and where your life is headed, but that's not your concern. I know exactly where you are. You are right where I want you for this moment. While you're there, be steadfast. Don't waver in your convictions of Me. And work wholeheartedly for Me exactly where I've placed you!"
Sure, slicing bagels and making lattes isn't where I think God has me permanently, but today it IS where He has me. He hasn't called me to stress out and worry about what might happen and when, but instead Jesus tells me to cast my cares on Him, for He cares for me. (1 Peter 5:7)
Thanksgiving just came and went. Tons of my facebook friends posted "thankfulness" statuses during the month of November. As much as I read them and agreed, seeing the posts every day didn't resonate with me until God revealed my ungrateful heart to me.
Gratefulness. It is SO important. Without it, I become depressed and self-focused. I concentrate on my problems and my "needs". My head hangs down, centered completely on me. It's extremely easy to get stuck in the habit of thinking "woe is me". I am quite guilty of this. What's interesting is that the more I focus on self, the less I see how marvelous God is. My problems get increasingly larger, and Christ diminishes into the background.
God has been convicting me about this.
"SHIFT YOUR FOCUS!! Gratefulness and an tender heart are important to Me!" It felt like God said as He pierced my soul.
The way I look, my future, and my everyday "drama" are so insignificant compared to the majesty of the Lord. When I shift my focus upward (instead of the downward disgust of self-centeredness), my problems shrink drastically in the light of God's glory. I am freed of myself so I can serve Him more fully!
I have so much to learn and work on in this area. Praise the Lord that He doesn't give up on me. I don't even understand how He can possibly give me so many second chances. I am in awe of His mercy. I am radically overwhelmed and grateful. So very grateful.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Running. (To all my friends who know me well....quit laughing)
I went running last week. Okay, okay....jogging. For two minutes. But particulars aside, the concept is still grasped. I did something productive for my health! I had my phone in one hand, and my itouch/earbuds in the other. Clenching tightly to both, I eased into a light run.
Do you know what I immediately noticed? It's significantly harder to run when you're holding onto bulky things!
Just as it's hard to run when you have weights on you (or phones in your hand!), it's hard to run this race of faith when sins are weighing us down. My feet slammed against the asphalt as I pondered what sins might be besetting me and holding me back from giving my all to Christ.
Jealousy. The first one instantly popped into my mind. Why do I so easily comply with this sin and allow it to burden me down and effect my walk with Christ? Just like holding my itouch discouraged me from running my hardest, my sins add that extra weight to my life and keep me from running with patience the race that God has marked out for me!
My run reminded me of the severity and determent of the sins in my life. Praise the Lord that He is faithful to forgive and accepts a repentant heart!! HE is the One who gives the grace to lay aside every sin!
Do you know what I immediately noticed? It's significantly harder to run when you're holding onto bulky things!
"Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us" Hebrews 12:1 quickly came to mind as I ran.
Just as it's hard to run when you have weights on you (or phones in your hand!), it's hard to run this race of faith when sins are weighing us down. My feet slammed against the asphalt as I pondered what sins might be besetting me and holding me back from giving my all to Christ.
Jealousy. The first one instantly popped into my mind. Why do I so easily comply with this sin and allow it to burden me down and effect my walk with Christ? Just like holding my itouch discouraged me from running my hardest, my sins add that extra weight to my life and keep me from running with patience the race that God has marked out for me!
My run reminded me of the severity and determent of the sins in my life. Praise the Lord that He is faithful to forgive and accepts a repentant heart!! HE is the One who gives the grace to lay aside every sin!
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Will I Remember the Goodness of God?
Sitting in Starbucks, I take a sip of caramel goodness and mull over the graciousness of God. I wonder how much I take for granted. How many things I let pass by me without even taking the time to thank the Creator for them.
Things. People, Places, Plans, Conversations, Fresh Air, Vehicles, Bibles, Jobs, Water, Hard Work.
So. Many. Things.
But hear now, am I grateful? Is that a growl of complaint that just fell from my lips?
Why? Why do I allow myself to complain? To murmur in spite of the gifts God in His infinite kindness has bestowed. Are His ways not good enough for me? Do I think I know better? How dare I find fault in the ways of the Maker of the Universe!!
So as I sit here in introspection, my mind races. What if I trusted God? Trusted that His ways are greater than my fears...than my plans. Trusted the Father to take care of His daughter? Maybe He will dash my hopes and dreams. Maybe He will tear at the world so dear to me and break it all apart. Maybe He will bring me to my knees time and time again with painful cries of despair.
So be it. Let me fully TRUST that He will work all things together for HIS glory. Let me remember that I am His daughter. His servant. I have given myself completely to a terrifying and wonderful God.
Respect. A vital word. Why is it be counted as wise to have a FEAR of God? Maybe because He has every right to squash me like a bug. Maybe because He holds the whole universe in the palm of His hand...perfectly in balance, all while attending to the thoughts and emotions and actions of the billions of people on earth. Yet, even though we are commanded to fear God, we are also told to draw near to God. Seek His face.
The balance of a reverent awe (respect) and a trusting intimate relationship with the Savior. How could we understand it all?
Things. People, Places, Plans, Conversations, Fresh Air, Vehicles, Bibles, Jobs, Water, Hard Work.
So. Many. Things.
But hear now, am I grateful? Is that a growl of complaint that just fell from my lips?
Why? Why do I allow myself to complain? To murmur in spite of the gifts God in His infinite kindness has bestowed. Are His ways not good enough for me? Do I think I know better? How dare I find fault in the ways of the Maker of the Universe!!
So as I sit here in introspection, my mind races. What if I trusted God? Trusted that His ways are greater than my fears...than my plans. Trusted the Father to take care of His daughter? Maybe He will dash my hopes and dreams. Maybe He will tear at the world so dear to me and break it all apart. Maybe He will bring me to my knees time and time again with painful cries of despair.
So be it. Let me fully TRUST that He will work all things together for HIS glory. Let me remember that I am His daughter. His servant. I have given myself completely to a terrifying and wonderful God.
"Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you" -The Lion, the witch, and the WardrobeDo I put God in a box? Treat Him as if He's my lucky charm? My life-line if I'm trouble? How dare I put myself in a place above Him! It's as if He is my servant and I call upon Him when I am in need. When did I become so comfortable with the idea of God that I lost my respect?
Respect. A vital word. Why is it be counted as wise to have a FEAR of God? Maybe because He has every right to squash me like a bug. Maybe because He holds the whole universe in the palm of His hand...perfectly in balance, all while attending to the thoughts and emotions and actions of the billions of people on earth. Yet, even though we are commanded to fear God, we are also told to draw near to God. Seek His face.
The balance of a reverent awe (respect) and a trusting intimate relationship with the Savior. How could we understand it all?
"Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it." Psalm 139:6But I have learned that we can ask the Father. He knows we are but dust. He understands our confusion and our utter humanness. That's why He also made it possible for us to ask for wisdom. Wisdom from Him.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." -James 1:5My expensive coffee is almost gone, and I wonder if I will remember the graciousness of God. If I will call to memory His infinite wisdom when a complaint is pressing on my lips. Lord, I beg of You wisdom. Eyes to see Your goodness in my pain.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
2013 has come to a close. And it was amazing.
Last night I was reflecting on 2013 and the things God has done in my life. It was an amazing time of recalling God's blessing and lessons. Several of my friends have been writing about the past year, so I thought I would join the band wagon! :)
New Year's Eve of 2012 as my family sat together in the living room, my older sister Jessica enthusiastically mentioned that she was excited about 2013 and anticipating the changes the new year might bring. And boy was she right!! This year has been one of hard adjustments, enjoyable escapades, daunting challenges, fulfilled dreams, and God's mercies. But enough with the adjectives. Let's get on with it.
My sister Jerusha wrote a blog post about the year over on her blog "It's a Serendipitous Life", and she did it so well I thought I would copy her format. ;) Go check it out here. It's amazing!!!!
Anyway...
1.) Last spring was spent applying for college and scholarships. My relationship with God strengthened as I sought His will about colleges and life plans. I also dual-enrolled at a community college in town as part of my last semester of high school.
To God be the glory, great things He hath done!
New Year's Eve of 2012 as my family sat together in the living room, my older sister Jessica enthusiastically mentioned that she was excited about 2013 and anticipating the changes the new year might bring. And boy was she right!! This year has been one of hard adjustments, enjoyable escapades, daunting challenges, fulfilled dreams, and God's mercies. But enough with the adjectives. Let's get on with it.
My sister Jerusha wrote a blog post about the year over on her blog "It's a Serendipitous Life", and she did it so well I thought I would copy her format. ;) Go check it out here. It's amazing!!!!
Anyway...
1.) Last spring was spent applying for college and scholarships. My relationship with God strengthened as I sought His will about colleges and life plans. I also dual-enrolled at a community college in town as part of my last semester of high school.
2.) In April, I graduated from high school!!! This day was definitely a highlight of the past 12 years combined. ;)
3.) The spring was also entirely consumed with music!! I adore music, but I never thought I would get so stressed out by it. Thankfully, my parents gave me their sweet support and put up with my endless hours of practicing. :) I was also given the opportunity to perform a duet concerto and two solos for federation, play in my twenty-something and LAST piano recital, and audition for several music scholarships.
My piano teacher and me at my final piano recital. And who are those other crazy people? Oh, those are just my epic best friends. I'm proud to say we're related.
4.) In May, we helped my brother and sister-in-law moved five hours north of town. Two months later, Josiah started medical school! It was a bittersweet trip to help them move, but we are excited to see what the Lord is doing in their lives!
We really like our brother. :) He looks so doctor-ish already!
5.) A MAJOR part of my life this last year was my month-long trip to Nicaragua. I met some amazing people, had some life changing experiences, but most of all, grew closer to God than I ever imagined possible! It's interesting what a month without family and comfort zones will do with one's walk with the Lord.
6.) My sister Jessica moved to Africa this year for missions. The day she moved was probably the hardest day of the year. I am extremely proud of her and have loved every minute of watching her journey with God!! I love you, sis! <3
7.) I started working Panera Bread in September! I love trying to make people smile. It's a hobby of mine. ;)
8.) The most exciting thing of my year - and other than becoming a Christian, my life - is number eight When my daddy told me somebody wanted to court me, I was completely blown away. Something I had always dreamed of happening, but it was actually coming true right then and there!
Thadden Cymbaluk. I am beyond blessed by this amazing man of God. Needless to say, the past few months have been especially fantastic. :D
There is my year in a little nutshell! My life has changed drastically since a year ago, and it will change more in the years to come, but I know that I can be confident in this one thing. God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Change, whether it be exciting or challenging, can be the Lord's way of drawing us closer to Him. The unchanging Rock. Fortress. Strong Deliverer.
To God be the glory, great things He hath done!
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Nicaraguan Adventures - Wrapping up the month
Almost a month has past since I left Nicaragua. I can hardly believe how fast the time has gone! Before I forget all the important details of the last half of my trip, I wanted to record them here.
On Monday, June 17th, my traveling companion, Hart, asked me what I thought of leaving a couple weeks early. She had become sick and needed to go back the States before the scheduled time. Honestly I didn't know what I wanted to do! Had I been asked the same question a week or so before, I would have jumped at the chance to fly back home early. I missed my family so much. But it seemed that God had been softening my heart to these people and to the country of Nicaragua. I desperately wanted to go home, but I was also curious about what else the Lord had in store for me in this country. After discussing logistics with my parents, we decided that it was best for me to stay in Nicaragua while Hart went home. And I'm so glad I did.
Monday through Wednesday of the following two weeks were spent starting a preschool in the little village of Mateare (the community Project H.O.P.E is building). The community center in the village was filled with the voices of little kids every morning! It was incredible to see the kids that were enthusiastic about school and learning (and playing with the "gringos"). ;) During the first couple of days, we would see little girls dressed in their best Sunday dresses, and little boys freshly showered and sporting a clean pair of pants. That didn't include all the kids, though...some were simply dressed in the only clothes they had available, but they were still at school and ready to learn!
On the last day that I would be at the preschool, we all said our goodbyes and Fran (another highly educated lady - that Hart knew - that was starting the preschool) and I headed for the truck to take us to the Base. While we were waiting for our ride, I noticed a lady come out of her little house. I recognized her as being one of the teacher helpers for the preschool and realized that I hadn't told her goodbye! I quickly walked over to her and she met me in the middle of the street. She (her name was Christina) started talking with me and we discussed our families, interests, and different topics. Suddenly, she was telling me how she appreciated my friendship and wished I didn't have to leave! I was touched. Moments later, Christina beckoned me to come to her house so she could show me around. I followed her and she lead me to her beaten-down shack a couple streets away. As I entered her home, I saw her obvious love for art. The front of the shack was painted and her door was decorated with her lovely artwork. Christina lead me around her tiny home and then introduced me to her children - Gabriela, Kimberlin, and Joshua. As soon as they met me, the girls grabbed some stickers (one of the few possessions they had) and started placing them on my shirt! The way they show their love for someone is so special.
Finally I had to say goodbye and leave the village. Christina looked heartbroken and started crying. Even though it was somewhat difficult to talk to each other through the language barrier, we had still developed a friendship and found a connection in Christ!
I was up by 4:00 AM on my last morning in Nicaragua. I tried my best to be quiet while getting ready to go to the airport so I didn't wake any of my seven roommates. As I walked out the door, the humidity, along with the realization that this was really my last day there, hit me. I was picked up from Base and driven to the airport. Travis, my chauffeur to the airport, told me what to expect when going through security and customs. I was so grateful he calmed my nerves and gave me some valuable information about the trip! By the time I finally made it to Miami airport, I was feeling much more comfortable traveling alone! ;)
To wrap up my time in Nicaragua . . . I'm so grateful that I was able to go to this amazing country and meet some incredible people! Most of all, I'm thankful to God for drawing me close to Him during the month and helping me to completely depend on His strength and love.
On Monday, June 17th, my traveling companion, Hart, asked me what I thought of leaving a couple weeks early. She had become sick and needed to go back the States before the scheduled time. Honestly I didn't know what I wanted to do! Had I been asked the same question a week or so before, I would have jumped at the chance to fly back home early. I missed my family so much. But it seemed that God had been softening my heart to these people and to the country of Nicaragua. I desperately wanted to go home, but I was also curious about what else the Lord had in store for me in this country. After discussing logistics with my parents, we decided that it was best for me to stay in Nicaragua while Hart went home. And I'm so glad I did.
Monday through Wednesday of the following two weeks were spent starting a preschool in the little village of Mateare (the community Project H.O.P.E is building). The community center in the village was filled with the voices of little kids every morning! It was incredible to see the kids that were enthusiastic about school and learning (and playing with the "gringos"). ;) During the first couple of days, we would see little girls dressed in their best Sunday dresses, and little boys freshly showered and sporting a clean pair of pants. That didn't include all the kids, though...some were simply dressed in the only clothes they had available, but they were still at school and ready to learn!
On the last day that I would be at the preschool, we all said our goodbyes and Fran (another highly educated lady - that Hart knew - that was starting the preschool) and I headed for the truck to take us to the Base. While we were waiting for our ride, I noticed a lady come out of her little house. I recognized her as being one of the teacher helpers for the preschool and realized that I hadn't told her goodbye! I quickly walked over to her and she met me in the middle of the street. She (her name was Christina) started talking with me and we discussed our families, interests, and different topics. Suddenly, she was telling me how she appreciated my friendship and wished I didn't have to leave! I was touched. Moments later, Christina beckoned me to come to her house so she could show me around. I followed her and she lead me to her beaten-down shack a couple streets away. As I entered her home, I saw her obvious love for art. The front of the shack was painted and her door was decorated with her lovely artwork. Christina lead me around her tiny home and then introduced me to her children - Gabriela, Kimberlin, and Joshua. As soon as they met me, the girls grabbed some stickers (one of the few possessions they had) and started placing them on my shirt! The way they show their love for someone is so special.
Finally I had to say goodbye and leave the village. Christina looked heartbroken and started crying. Even though it was somewhat difficult to talk to each other through the language barrier, we had still developed a friendship and found a connection in Christ!
I was up by 4:00 AM on my last morning in Nicaragua. I tried my best to be quiet while getting ready to go to the airport so I didn't wake any of my seven roommates. As I walked out the door, the humidity, along with the realization that this was really my last day there, hit me. I was picked up from Base and driven to the airport. Travis, my chauffeur to the airport, told me what to expect when going through security and customs. I was so grateful he calmed my nerves and gave me some valuable information about the trip! By the time I finally made it to Miami airport, I was feeling much more comfortable traveling alone! ;)
To wrap up my time in Nicaragua . . . I'm so grateful that I was able to go to this amazing country and meet some incredible people! Most of all, I'm thankful to God for drawing me close to Him during the month and helping me to completely depend on His strength and love.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Nicaraguan Adventures - Highlights from Week 2
Sunday, June 9th - I was wandering around the compound waiting for the van to arrive to pick us up for our trip to Leon, when Hart came out and asked if I had called my parents yet that week. "I can do that?!" I asked in surprise. She lead me into the "library" and handed me a cordless phone. I could hardly believe it! I nervously punched in the numbers, hoping desperately that it would work. A few tries later, my dad answered the phone and I started bawling. I was so happy to hear his voice! That was a good day. :)
Sunday evening Hart, Monica (a speech pathologist that was helping Hart), Mary Ann, Rebekah, and I climbed on the van and headed for a town an hour-and-a-half away. We arrived that evening in Leon, Nicaragua and were dropped off at "Hostal Italian". The hotel rooms were air-conditioned, so I was VERY grateful!
We spent that week going to a preschool that was established 12 years ago. It took about 30-45 minutes to get to the village where the preschool was located. Monica worked with the 3-year-olds, and Hart worked with the 4- and 5-year-olds on identifying and writing their names. Goodness those kids are DARLING! :) While the three of us worked at the preschool, Mary Ann and Rebekah were across the street teaching the mothers of the preschoolers how to sew and do different crafts!
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Since the work at the preschool only took up the morning hours, we were free to explore the town of Leon, shop, or just rest for the remainder of the day. It was a very relaxing week all-in-all. We even had the opportunity to go to the beach and have lunch! Another bonus of the place we stayed was that there was a little coffee shop across the street. (Oh wait...maybe it was a downfall...) They had coffee, frappes, and desserts for a very reasonable price. So yes, we didn't hesitate too much when taking advantage of it!
When we finished our work with the preschoolers on Friday, we came back to the Project H.O.P.E. base. Saturday morning was a memorable experience for this Missouri gal! At 11:34 that morning I was introduced to my first legit earthquake. The ground didn't shake as much as ROLL. And it kept on rolling for at least 30 seconds. It was strange, and made me rather nauseous! I looked it up online later and found out that it was a 6.5 magnitude earthquake! It was a neat thing to experience...but only because it was 50 miles from the coast!
Later on that morning, our host family invited me to come with them on their "family day"! I was thrilled to join them! We went to McDonald's for lunch and then to the theater to see "Man of Steel".
Well that pretty much wraps up week two of Nicaragua! The Lord is continually blessing the work down here and keeping everyone safe. Praise His Holy Name!
Sunday evening Hart, Monica (a speech pathologist that was helping Hart), Mary Ann, Rebekah, and I climbed on the van and headed for a town an hour-and-a-half away. We arrived that evening in Leon, Nicaragua and were dropped off at "Hostal Italian". The hotel rooms were air-conditioned, so I was VERY grateful!
We spent that week going to a preschool that was established 12 years ago. It took about 30-45 minutes to get to the village where the preschool was located. Monica worked with the 3-year-olds, and Hart worked with the 4- and 5-year-olds on identifying and writing their names. Goodness those kids are DARLING! :) While the three of us worked at the preschool, Mary Ann and Rebekah were across the street teaching the mothers of the preschoolers how to sew and do different crafts!
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| Nathali was a smart little 3-year-old! She is the most darling thing ever. |
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| Hart working with two of the kids from the 4- and 5-year-old group! |
Since the work at the preschool only took up the morning hours, we were free to explore the town of Leon, shop, or just rest for the remainder of the day. It was a very relaxing week all-in-all. We even had the opportunity to go to the beach and have lunch! Another bonus of the place we stayed was that there was a little coffee shop across the street. (Oh wait...maybe it was a downfall...) They had coffee, frappes, and desserts for a very reasonable price. So yes, we didn't hesitate too much when taking advantage of it!
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| Our team for the week. Love these gals! R-L: Monica, Me, Hart, Mary Ann, and Rebekah |
Later on that morning, our host family invited me to come with them on their "family day"! I was thrilled to join them! We went to McDonald's for lunch and then to the theater to see "Man of Steel".
Well that pretty much wraps up week two of Nicaragua! The Lord is continually blessing the work down here and keeping everyone safe. Praise His Holy Name!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Nicaraguan Adventures - Week One
Hola from the very warm country of Nicaragua!! :)
I thought I would give you all a summary of my adventures here thus far!! So here goes!
My first week in Nicaragua had its ups and downs. I flew into Managua on the same flight as Hart (A bilingual speech pathologist that I am learning from and semi-traveling with). When we disembarked the airplane, we met most of the other people on our team! The team was from a church in Rogersville, and they were staying one week.
My first impression: I was very homesick, and the place I was staying had no internet. BUT, it proved to be a blessing in disguise for my spiritual life. Since I didn't really know anyone on the trip (and I couldn't talk with my family), I had to lean completely on Christ! It seemed like every time I opened my Bible, God powerfully spoke to me through the words that I read. A few times I started crying as I realized that God knew exactly what I was struggling with and He Himself was going to comfort and uphold me.
I serve an awesome God.
I also found it difficult to adapt to Nicaragua in the beginning because, even though it IS poor, it is so much better than Haiti. I had to learn not to compare Haiti with Nicaragua, but instead see the people and the country through an untainted view.
We arrived late Saturday night on June 1st. The team loaded Project H.O.P.E.'s school bus and was driven to the Base. We were greeted by the sweetest host family ever! Roger and Kiki Gibson and their three kids are priceless. They are so welcoming and godly...it's a pleasure to be around them! A quick meeting was held outdoors, and then we all charged the dining room area to get some delicious dinner. :)
I was so grateful to see that there was electricity, air-conditioning, and hot showers on base! And the food here...wow! It is INCREDIBLE! The cook for Project H.O.P.E. used to work at the American Embassy, so the food is nothing short of amazing. :)
On Sunday we went to church (it's a church for missionaries, so it was in English!) and heard a message on "Immanuel - God with us". Again, I felt as if God were speaking directly to me and comforting my heart through the sermon!
That afternoon we headed out for the village of Mateare. Throughout this year, Project H.O.P.E has 19 teams lined up to come to Nicaragua and help finish building the community of Mateare. Originally this group of people lived by a lake here, but three years ago they were flooded out. They moved to a plot of land, and for three years PH has been bringing in teams and helping these sweet people build their tiny houses. 2013 is PH's last year in Mateare and they are building the last 72 houses this year. :)
Every morning we met the Nicaraguans at a large tree in the village and we worshipped God and had a devotional together. Then we broke into small groups and had another devotional/share time with the people. Afterwards, we went to work laying bricks, putting on roofs, nailing in siding, and laboring side-by-side with the Nicaraguans!
The kids here are so super cute! They hang all over you and say "HOLA!!" so many times you think your ear might fall off! ;) There is almost always a little one nearby who will prance right up to you and grab your hand. But it's not just the kids that are welcoming...the adults will give hugs, eagerly talk to you, and display a heartfelt smile if you happen to walk by them. It truly is amazing how friendly and kind these people are!
Before leaving on our trip, everybody from our team was given a Nicaraguan family (sometimes two or three people shared a family) for which to buy household items. The assigned family was then each individuals adopted family for the week! Throughout the week we would spend time with our Nica families and build up a relationship with them! It was like an immediate acceptance!
On Thursday afternoon, everybody on the team (about 50 of us from Missouri) met up with our Nicaraguan families and went to their shacks with them. Our gifts of household items(and a few other fun things) were packaged up in large rice sacks. I shared a family with Hart and her granddaughter! Our family in particular was made up of a husband and wife, two boys (5- and 12-years-old) and a grandmother. They were the most precious family! We gave them our gifts, and while watching them unpack the different items, I couldn't help but think "I wish I had something more to give them!". They were so poor, but so grateful. After opening the gifts, the father shared his testimony and we all talked for a while.
Oh! I also got to give them a laminated photo of my family!! It totally amazed me to see their faces as they looked at my sisters, brothers, and parents. They were mesmerized by people they had never even met. They were also ecstatic when I told them the picture was for them to keep! :)
Well, that pretty much sums up (in a LOT of words) my first week in Nicaragua! Right now I'm almost done living out week three, so obviously I have a lot of writing to do yet!
I thought I would give you all a summary of my adventures here thus far!! So here goes!
My first week in Nicaragua had its ups and downs. I flew into Managua on the same flight as Hart (A bilingual speech pathologist that I am learning from and semi-traveling with). When we disembarked the airplane, we met most of the other people on our team! The team was from a church in Rogersville, and they were staying one week.
My first impression: I was very homesick, and the place I was staying had no internet. BUT, it proved to be a blessing in disguise for my spiritual life. Since I didn't really know anyone on the trip (and I couldn't talk with my family), I had to lean completely on Christ! It seemed like every time I opened my Bible, God powerfully spoke to me through the words that I read. A few times I started crying as I realized that God knew exactly what I was struggling with and He Himself was going to comfort and uphold me.
I serve an awesome God.
I also found it difficult to adapt to Nicaragua in the beginning because, even though it IS poor, it is so much better than Haiti. I had to learn not to compare Haiti with Nicaragua, but instead see the people and the country through an untainted view.
We arrived late Saturday night on June 1st. The team loaded Project H.O.P.E.'s school bus and was driven to the Base. We were greeted by the sweetest host family ever! Roger and Kiki Gibson and their three kids are priceless. They are so welcoming and godly...it's a pleasure to be around them! A quick meeting was held outdoors, and then we all charged the dining room area to get some delicious dinner. :)
I was so grateful to see that there was electricity, air-conditioning, and hot showers on base! And the food here...wow! It is INCREDIBLE! The cook for Project H.O.P.E. used to work at the American Embassy, so the food is nothing short of amazing. :)
On Sunday we went to church (it's a church for missionaries, so it was in English!) and heard a message on "Immanuel - God with us". Again, I felt as if God were speaking directly to me and comforting my heart through the sermon!
That afternoon we headed out for the village of Mateare. Throughout this year, Project H.O.P.E has 19 teams lined up to come to Nicaragua and help finish building the community of Mateare. Originally this group of people lived by a lake here, but three years ago they were flooded out. They moved to a plot of land, and for three years PH has been bringing in teams and helping these sweet people build their tiny houses. 2013 is PH's last year in Mateare and they are building the last 72 houses this year. :)
Every morning we met the Nicaraguans at a large tree in the village and we worshipped God and had a devotional together. Then we broke into small groups and had another devotional/share time with the people. Afterwards, we went to work laying bricks, putting on roofs, nailing in siding, and laboring side-by-side with the Nicaraguans!
The kids here are so super cute! They hang all over you and say "HOLA!!" so many times you think your ear might fall off! ;) There is almost always a little one nearby who will prance right up to you and grab your hand. But it's not just the kids that are welcoming...the adults will give hugs, eagerly talk to you, and display a heartfelt smile if you happen to walk by them. It truly is amazing how friendly and kind these people are!
Before leaving on our trip, everybody from our team was given a Nicaraguan family (sometimes two or three people shared a family) for which to buy household items. The assigned family was then each individuals adopted family for the week! Throughout the week we would spend time with our Nica families and build up a relationship with them! It was like an immediate acceptance!
On Thursday afternoon, everybody on the team (about 50 of us from Missouri) met up with our Nicaraguan families and went to their shacks with them. Our gifts of household items(and a few other fun things) were packaged up in large rice sacks. I shared a family with Hart and her granddaughter! Our family in particular was made up of a husband and wife, two boys (5- and 12-years-old) and a grandmother. They were the most precious family! We gave them our gifts, and while watching them unpack the different items, I couldn't help but think "I wish I had something more to give them!". They were so poor, but so grateful. After opening the gifts, the father shared his testimony and we all talked for a while.
Oh! I also got to give them a laminated photo of my family!! It totally amazed me to see their faces as they looked at my sisters, brothers, and parents. They were mesmerized by people they had never even met. They were also ecstatic when I told them the picture was for them to keep! :)
Well, that pretty much sums up (in a LOT of words) my first week in Nicaragua! Right now I'm almost done living out week three, so obviously I have a lot of writing to do yet!
"Praise the Lord from whom all blessing flow!"
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Another post!! ;)
I just got the urge to go camping. I think it's because I'm sitting in my room, the sun is starting to peek through the blinds on my windows, and I keep hearing a little bird chirp a little ditty outside.
Isn't God's creation wonderful? It's especially noticeable to me in the spring when the daffodils started poking their heads above the slowly warming ground; when the sun gets just a tad warmer and gently kisses your face when you step outside; when the once-brown-yard suddenly turns a gorgeous shade of green; when it unexpectedly pours down rain and the sky flashes with lightening; when you start taking long walks down trails because the beauty of everything blooming around you is overwhelming.
Talking about it almost makes me warm up. Almost.
But truly, what a magnificent God to think about the tiny details of what He created and making them pleasurable for us!! He deserves so much praise!!
Well, I'm sorry for the short post, but I must get ready for church! :) Oh, and if y'all happen to think about it, I would love some prayer for this upcoming piano federation. I have two solo pieces and one concerto to memorize by March 9th. The solos are coming along fairly well, but I just recently got my 16 page concerto . . . . so I'm rather scared on that one! I would love prayer that God would give me patience and a good memory to memorize all of these pieces. Thank you!
Isn't God's creation wonderful? It's especially noticeable to me in the spring when the daffodils started poking their heads above the slowly warming ground; when the sun gets just a tad warmer and gently kisses your face when you step outside; when the once-brown-yard suddenly turns a gorgeous shade of green; when it unexpectedly pours down rain and the sky flashes with lightening; when you start taking long walks down trails because the beauty of everything blooming around you is overwhelming.
Talking about it almost makes me warm up. Almost.
But truly, what a magnificent God to think about the tiny details of what He created and making them pleasurable for us!! He deserves so much praise!!
Well, I'm sorry for the short post, but I must get ready for church! :) Oh, and if y'all happen to think about it, I would love some prayer for this upcoming piano federation. I have two solo pieces and one concerto to memorize by March 9th. The solos are coming along fairly well, but I just recently got my 16 page concerto . . . . so I'm rather scared on that one! I would love prayer that God would give me patience and a good memory to memorize all of these pieces. Thank you!
Thursday, January 3, 2013
My Prayer
God, help me to have a passionate longing for You.
May I not be satisfied with a mediocre relationship with the Creator of the universe.
I pray that my days, hours, and mere moments would be centered on YOU - my Lord, my Savior, and my King.
Help me to cast all my cares upon you. (1 Peter 5:7) Make me to realize how much you care for me.
Lord, I pray that you would help me to have a deep compassion and unfeigned love for those around me. Give me Your grace and impartiality when I look at others.
May 2013 be a year I always remember and look back upon as being incredibly strengthening in my walk and relationship with You, dear Father.
May I not be satisfied with a mediocre relationship with the Creator of the universe.
I pray that my days, hours, and mere moments would be centered on YOU - my Lord, my Savior, and my King.
Help me to cast all my cares upon you. (1 Peter 5:7) Make me to realize how much you care for me.
Lord, I pray that you would help me to have a deep compassion and unfeigned love for those around me. Give me Your grace and impartiality when I look at others.
May 2013 be a year I always remember and look back upon as being incredibly strengthening in my walk and relationship with You, dear Father.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
November Happiness
Since I can't think of anything particularly interesting to write about, I thought I would just jot down a bit about everyday life around here. :)
Today I got to stay home all morning!!! :D It was wonderful. . .and quite relaxing. I did school and laundry. And nothing else until 1:30 when I had to go to piano lessons with Jerusha. We decided to go to the mall after lessons. We went in through the food court area so I could introduce my sis to a few of my co-workers. Oh! I don't think I've mentioned that. . . I got a job almost four weeks ago! . . . but I'll divulge that story in a later post . . . ;)
Anyway, then Jerusha and I walked towards JCPenny, making a quick stop by Starbucks first! Speaking of which, Starbucks has come out with their Christmas flavors!!!! I'm rather split in my opinion of that . . . On the one hand, I think it is *much* too early to be thinking about Christmas. . . On the other hand, I absolutely *love* going into the mall and seeing the beginnings of Christmas decorations and sipping on a holiday drink. So yeah, I can't make up my mind. Speaking of drinking coffee at Starbucks. . . I don't like coffee. Unless it's frozen. And steeped with sugar. And milk. And whipped cream. And chocolate. And blended together in delicious goodness. Only then (when it can't really even be called coffee anymore) do I quite enjoy coffee. :p
After shopping for a bit, Jerusha and I came home and I got ready to go on a walk with momma. It was so beautiful outside!! We had a lovely time walking and talking together. :)
THEN. . . .(it's a good sign when the description of your day is full of "then". . . . that means it was a full, most likely productive day!) ...momma, Jerusha, and I met Jessica for dinner at a restaurant here in town. Oh lands, it was delicious! We had such a great girl time together! <3
THEN. . . :) we came home, got settled down in the living room and watched a chick-flick together.
I feel so blessed! Hey. . . that's what we should be thinking about this November. I mean, THANKSgiving is first. . .Christmas isn't until December! We should be counting our blessings. . . not thinking about our "Christmas wish lists" or what we can get/want. I guess that's my challenge to y'all. . .be thankful today for how God has blessed you. On days like the one I just wrote about, being grateful should be a piece of cake. . .but what about those days that are just awful? Nothing seems to be going right. Can we really be thankful then? Well. . .hard as it may seem. Yes.
Today I got to stay home all morning!!! :D It was wonderful. . .and quite relaxing. I did school and laundry. And nothing else until 1:30 when I had to go to piano lessons with Jerusha. We decided to go to the mall after lessons. We went in through the food court area so I could introduce my sis to a few of my co-workers. Oh! I don't think I've mentioned that. . . I got a job almost four weeks ago! . . . but I'll divulge that story in a later post . . . ;)
Anyway, then Jerusha and I walked towards JCPenny, making a quick stop by Starbucks first! Speaking of which, Starbucks has come out with their Christmas flavors!!!! I'm rather split in my opinion of that . . . On the one hand, I think it is *much* too early to be thinking about Christmas. . . On the other hand, I absolutely *love* going into the mall and seeing the beginnings of Christmas decorations and sipping on a holiday drink. So yeah, I can't make up my mind. Speaking of drinking coffee at Starbucks. . . I don't like coffee. Unless it's frozen. And steeped with sugar. And milk. And whipped cream. And chocolate. And blended together in delicious goodness. Only then (when it can't really even be called coffee anymore) do I quite enjoy coffee. :p
After shopping for a bit, Jerusha and I came home and I got ready to go on a walk with momma. It was so beautiful outside!! We had a lovely time walking and talking together. :)
THEN. . . .(it's a good sign when the description of your day is full of "then". . . . that means it was a full, most likely productive day!) ...momma, Jerusha, and I met Jessica for dinner at a restaurant here in town. Oh lands, it was delicious! We had such a great girl time together! <3
THEN. . . :) we came home, got settled down in the living room and watched a chick-flick together.
I feel so blessed! Hey. . . that's what we should be thinking about this November. I mean, THANKSgiving is first. . .Christmas isn't until December! We should be counting our blessings. . . not thinking about our "Christmas wish lists" or what we can get/want. I guess that's my challenge to y'all. . .be thankful today for how God has blessed you. On days like the one I just wrote about, being grateful should be a piece of cake. . .but what about those days that are just awful? Nothing seems to be going right. Can we really be thankful then? Well. . .hard as it may seem. Yes.
"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT saying that being grateful in the midst of trials is easy by any means! But the Bible *does* command it, so that is my challenge to you. And myself. Can we be thankful in everything?
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Not Sure What to Call this Post.... ;)
So yeah. It's been a looonnng time (in blogging time). But I'm back! :) Last month my parents and I took a trip to Haiti. We were there for almost 2 weeks and we stayed with some long-time missionary friends who run a clinic in Northwest Haiti. I can't really even describe the plethora of feelings during the trip. There was some culture shock...and despair...and wonder...and awe of God. I wrote most of the following on the plane coming back from Haiti.
How can I even put it into words? Should I mention the constant noises at dusk? Should I describe the insistent knocks and phone calls for petty demands? What about the scores of children sitting by the side of the road - waving. And begging. Should I describe that? How about the worse-than-dry-creek-bed roads? The illiteracy? The shacks piled so close to each other that you can barely differentiate one from the other? The broken down huts? The hypocrisy? The wailing? The total acceptance of "spiritual" things, without any absolute knowledge of a relationship with the One True God? How can I describe this place called Haiti?
When I caught my first glimpses of Port Au Prince, the poverty of the country immediately struck me. The housing was a dilapidated mess. Did people actually live in this city? The rain barraged the window pane of the airplane, blurring my limited view. After unloading we were corralled into a maze of tunnels and security workers directing us into the customs line. Everything seemed different. The Creole wording on the signs, the immense clamour of voices, the collision of bodies while claiming our luggage.
After we climbed into the van our taxi driver brought, we closed the door and started our long trek to a Mennonite Mission where we were to stay the night. I'm not even sure how to describe Port Au Prince during "rush hour". There were very few driving rules being followed, yet - much to my amazement - we did not witness a single crash. Everyone seemed to know when the four lane road should suddenly become three lanes one way and one lane the other. And nobody seemed to care that the hundreds of motorcyclists just cruised their way in between lanes of traffic and went into just about whichever lane they could squeeze into. An hour and a half (5 miles) later, we found ourselves gazing at a hefty blue gate as it swung open, seemingly effortlessly. The land beyond the gate was entirely altered from the previous world through which we had passed. The green grass and palm trees waved to us with welcoming features. We drove up to the house. The first thing I noticed was the doors. It had actual functioning, locking, wood doors - something that I hadn't observed much at all during our drive. We opened the door and immediately felt blessed to stay in so nice a place when compared to the rest of the hectic city.
Anyway, that's as far as I've gotten in writing about our trip. I kept a journal while I was there, but it was more of a descriptive action-by-action type journal. . . At 5:00 we started a dinner of pizza type journal. lol ;)
I'll try to post more often now that my life is seeming to settle into somewhat of a routine! :)
How can I even put it into words? Should I mention the constant noises at dusk? Should I describe the insistent knocks and phone calls for petty demands? What about the scores of children sitting by the side of the road - waving. And begging. Should I describe that? How about the worse-than-dry-creek-bed roads? The illiteracy? The shacks piled so close to each other that you can barely differentiate one from the other? The broken down huts? The hypocrisy? The wailing? The total acceptance of "spiritual" things, without any absolute knowledge of a relationship with the One True God? How can I describe this place called Haiti?
When I caught my first glimpses of Port Au Prince, the poverty of the country immediately struck me. The housing was a dilapidated mess. Did people actually live in this city? The rain barraged the window pane of the airplane, blurring my limited view. After unloading we were corralled into a maze of tunnels and security workers directing us into the customs line. Everything seemed different. The Creole wording on the signs, the immense clamour of voices, the collision of bodies while claiming our luggage.
After we climbed into the van our taxi driver brought, we closed the door and started our long trek to a Mennonite Mission where we were to stay the night. I'm not even sure how to describe Port Au Prince during "rush hour". There were very few driving rules being followed, yet - much to my amazement - we did not witness a single crash. Everyone seemed to know when the four lane road should suddenly become three lanes one way and one lane the other. And nobody seemed to care that the hundreds of motorcyclists just cruised their way in between lanes of traffic and went into just about whichever lane they could squeeze into. An hour and a half (5 miles) later, we found ourselves gazing at a hefty blue gate as it swung open, seemingly effortlessly. The land beyond the gate was entirely altered from the previous world through which we had passed. The green grass and palm trees waved to us with welcoming features. We drove up to the house. The first thing I noticed was the doors. It had actual functioning, locking, wood doors - something that I hadn't observed much at all during our drive. We opened the door and immediately felt blessed to stay in so nice a place when compared to the rest of the hectic city.
Anyway, that's as far as I've gotten in writing about our trip. I kept a journal while I was there, but it was more of a descriptive action-by-action type journal. . . At 5:00 we started a dinner of pizza type journal. lol ;)
I'll try to post more often now that my life is seeming to settle into somewhat of a routine! :)
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Don't Give In!
Have you ever had a time when you knew Satan was attacking you with lies and discouraging thoughts, but you were too weak to fight back? Too tired to even care if he pervaded your thoughts with deception? Deep down inside you probably knew it was wrong to give in to those thoughts. Actually, it's quite unlike our natural sinful self to fight against this propensity for self-indulgence. Why else would God tell us to
So what do we do in those situations?
Well, look back to what we just read. One way to resist the devil even when we're feeling overwhelmed is to remember that thousands of other Christians are having to do the same thing! You're not alone. Sometimes the fact of doing something with a person (or at least knowing that someone else is going through the same thing) is a comfort and even creates a sense of renewed determination.
In 1 Peter 5:7-9, the Bible says "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." This one verse is a tremendous help for anyone fighting the devil. When you're worn-out and beat-up, you have an advocate with Jesus. He'll never let you down! He will share your burden...He will walk the whole way with you.
But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. To him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 5:10-11
"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world." 1 Peter 5:8-9Apparently it's common to all of the human race to give in to the deceits of Satan. I just had this happen recently to me! I was super worn-out and all I could think of were unrighteous thoughts about myself and other people. Satan noticed this bad attitude on my part and used this small window of opportunity to drag me further down. It was then that he started building on the small deceptions in my mind and elaborating my dreadful thoughts. The sad thing was, I knew he was doing it! I just felt as if I didn't have the strength to fight back.
So what do we do in those situations?
Well, look back to what we just read. One way to resist the devil even when we're feeling overwhelmed is to remember that thousands of other Christians are having to do the same thing! You're not alone. Sometimes the fact of doing something with a person (or at least knowing that someone else is going through the same thing) is a comfort and even creates a sense of renewed determination.
In 1 Peter 5:7-9, the Bible says "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." This one verse is a tremendous help for anyone fighting the devil. When you're worn-out and beat-up, you have an advocate with Jesus. He'll never let you down! He will share your burden...He will walk the whole way with you.
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. To him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 5:10-11
Sunday, March 25, 2012
The Earth is the Lord's . . . and events in our lives :)
Aww!! That was so nice of Spring to listen to me! This weather is incredible!! (I'm also choosing not to think of what it will be like in August...lol) Anyway, the grass is lush and green, the birds are gleefully chirping away, the trees are budding in full force, and the gorgeous flowers are blooming quite nicely. What a wonderful God we serve!!! He has created so many beautiful thing.
Speaking of beautiful things . . . my brother got engaged a couple weeks ago!!! It was super cute to see him heading out the door to go "ring shopping". ;) Three weeks ago, he set up a whole plan of how he wanted to ask her (Joy). Joy, who was over at a good friend's house watching movies and making dinner, had no idea what was going on! Soo...Josiah hopped in his car and drove to the mutual friend's house, surprised Joy, said some sappy stuff, and they had dinner together. Okay, so that was the super super short version, but you get the picture!! lol :) Oh yeah!! She said Yes. =D
Let's see...what else has happened since I last posted...oh! I got my driver's license last month! Perfect timing too, because my mom unexpectedly needed to go to New York for 3 weeks, so I got to chauffeur Jerusha and I all around town to different events/lessons/orchestra/etc... :)
And last, but most assuredly NOT least, I wanted to share with you some things the Lord has been teaching me in the last few weeks.
My little brain only has the teeniest, tiniest little glimpse of the big picture. In reality, I have no clue of the scope of God's plans and intricate details! I'm just a little dot...a speck of nothingness in the grandeur of the whole universe. . . yet, God cares for me! He cares about what I'm worried about, what I don't understand, my sicknesses, my hopes, my disappointments, my dreams, my excitements, my joys, everything! And guess what, he understands everything about me! Why? Because He made me and He loves me dearly. <3 Recently in my Bible reading, I've been challenged to reset my thinking. I notice myself constantly stressing out about what's going to happen "down the road"....am I supposed to go to college? I'd like to go on a mission's trip, but where? and when? or should I? My heart is in ministry, but the doors don't seem to be opening (or doing much of anything) at present...aghhh!!! What should I do!? It's then that I read verses like
I serve a great and glorious God!
Speaking of beautiful things . . . my brother got engaged a couple weeks ago!!! It was super cute to see him heading out the door to go "ring shopping". ;) Three weeks ago, he set up a whole plan of how he wanted to ask her (Joy). Joy, who was over at a good friend's house watching movies and making dinner, had no idea what was going on! Soo...Josiah hopped in his car and drove to the mutual friend's house, surprised Joy, said some sappy stuff, and they had dinner together. Okay, so that was the super super short version, but you get the picture!! lol :) Oh yeah!! She said Yes. =D
Let's see...what else has happened since I last posted...oh! I got my driver's license last month! Perfect timing too, because my mom unexpectedly needed to go to New York for 3 weeks, so I got to chauffeur Jerusha and I all around town to different events/lessons/orchestra/etc... :)
And last, but most assuredly NOT least, I wanted to share with you some things the Lord has been teaching me in the last few weeks.
My little brain only has the teeniest, tiniest little glimpse of the big picture. In reality, I have no clue of the scope of God's plans and intricate details! I'm just a little dot...a speck of nothingness in the grandeur of the whole universe. . . yet, God cares for me! He cares about what I'm worried about, what I don't understand, my sicknesses, my hopes, my disappointments, my dreams, my excitements, my joys, everything! And guess what, he understands everything about me! Why? Because He made me and He loves me dearly. <3 Recently in my Bible reading, I've been challenged to reset my thinking. I notice myself constantly stressing out about what's going to happen "down the road"....am I supposed to go to college? I'd like to go on a mission's trip, but where? and when? or should I? My heart is in ministry, but the doors don't seem to be opening (or doing much of anything) at present...aghhh!!! What should I do!? It's then that I read verses like
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." "Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah."That's just one example of the dozens of verses with which God comforts His people! Here's another another verse that really stood out to me in my personal devotions:
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise." Psalm 51:17Even when we're confused, especially when we're confused, the Lord wants us to bring everything to Him! Our problems, our uncertainties, our anger, our brokenness, our contrite hearts. . . He desires that we lay everything at His feet.
"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." 1 Peter 5:7How wonderful to think that the God of the universe loves and cares about every little detail of our lives!! We're not bogging Him down or depressing Him if we tell Him all our troubles...in fact, He tells us in the Bible to do that very thing!
"Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah." Psalm 62:8Trust in the Lord! Tell Him all your troubles and know that He hears you and will help you! <3
I serve a great and glorious God!
Friday, January 20, 2012
Shakespeare and Springtime :)
Spring, oh Spring. Wherefore art thou, dear Spring? Summer, hence thou be thrown off no longer. Tarry none. Prowl thither and shake from thee Winter's dull mantle. Toss forth thine head in glorious triumph. Reign once more: victor.
I think Shakespeare has warped my mind . . . lol. :) We are reading "King Lear" (a Shakespearean tragedy) in Bristish Literature. I haven't finished it yet, but there has been one major question in my mind throughout this book: Why couldn't we have read a Comedy? ;) But wait! I think this could lead to an interesting thought . . .
Yes. I really do want spring - or summer. or something with warmth, an array of colors, and sunshine.
But you know what?
Even though I would love those things right now, guess what I am going to be wanting come August...
Yep. A cold winter's day; a cozy fire casting an iridescent glow on the couch, a cup of tea with wisps of steam pervading the rim, snow falling lazily aloft a frozen ground.
Are we ever truly grateful for what we're given right now? Even if we are, how long does it last? Sure, we may enjoy what we've just been handed. . . .until it gets old or a trial arises. Take, for instance, my second paragraph. The one about the tragedy vs. the comedy. Why couldn't we have read the other one!? Why do we have to do this!? Argh, I'm so tired of this! (Read in high-pitched whiny voice for added effect.) Instead of complaining about this and exasperating everyone around me, I could look at it like this. How grateful I am that God is allowing me to take this class! Wow, this book is really expanding my mind to be able to read different things! I'm so thankful that I have the ability to read!
Anyway, that's just one example, - and not a very good one at that - but you get the point. :)
Just a little thought to leave you with today. Instead of complaining and griping about our circumstances, let's find the things to be grateful for in each situation and praise the Lord for His goodness toward us! :)
I think Shakespeare has warped my mind . . . lol. :) We are reading "King Lear" (a Shakespearean tragedy) in Bristish Literature. I haven't finished it yet, but there has been one major question in my mind throughout this book: Why couldn't we have read a Comedy? ;) But wait! I think this could lead to an interesting thought . . .
Yes. I really do want spring - or summer. or something with warmth, an array of colors, and sunshine.
But you know what?
Even though I would love those things right now, guess what I am going to be wanting come August...
Yep. A cold winter's day; a cozy fire casting an iridescent glow on the couch, a cup of tea with wisps of steam pervading the rim, snow falling lazily aloft a frozen ground.
Are we ever truly grateful for what we're given right now? Even if we are, how long does it last? Sure, we may enjoy what we've just been handed. . . .until it gets old or a trial arises. Take, for instance, my second paragraph. The one about the tragedy vs. the comedy. Why couldn't we have read the other one!? Why do we have to do this!? Argh, I'm so tired of this! (Read in high-pitched whiny voice for added effect.) Instead of complaining about this and exasperating everyone around me, I could look at it like this. How grateful I am that God is allowing me to take this class! Wow, this book is really expanding my mind to be able to read different things! I'm so thankful that I have the ability to read!
Anyway, that's just one example, - and not a very good one at that - but you get the point. :)
Just a little thought to leave you with today. Instead of complaining and griping about our circumstances, let's find the things to be grateful for in each situation and praise the Lord for His goodness toward us! :)
"Do all things without murmurings and disputings:" Philippians 2:14
"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
My Everything for Jesus
Do you have something in your life that is time-consuming? Something that is draining much of your time. Something frivolous in the light of eternity. Maybe it seems like it is invaluable to you, take a step back and look at it from a fresh perspective. Are you worshiping that thing? Idolizing it above Christ?
There are a countless number of things throughout our lives that demand or desire our attention. The only thing to which our attention should be so much attuned to that we worship, is Jesus Christ.
Let's put this in perspective. God created the earth. The Milky-Way. The Universe. And beyond. He also created every tiny cell. Every nucleus. Every atom. Every electron. Besides creating all these things without any effort whatsoever, God also knows how each one of these things work. Individually. He knows what is going on with that cell in your body that is going through mitosis right now, and at the same time, he knows exactly how many shooting stars are whizzing through the sky (and not just the ones in our solar system)! Okay, so this God that created every single thing, is -along with keeping the universe in order - listening to your petty complaints. Your pitiful pleas for help. Your scrawny thanks. Your ignorant demands.
Me: So, God. What's up?
God: Not much. I'm just holding together the atoms and molecules of your body. What about you?*
Think about it this way...
Me: God, if you get me out of this mess I've gotten myself into, I'll give you all my service.
God: Uh, what are you going to do? Bring me food or something? I own it all anyway.
---------------------
Me: God, if you give me a million dollars today, I'll give you the rest of my life!
God: I already own your life. I'm keeping you alive right now, you are in no position to bargain with me.
I'm sure you've heard the phrases "God is omnipotent" or "God is omnipresent". Have you ever grasped the meaning of those phrases? I know I can't. He's so beyond what I could even begin to understand. SO powerful! SO awesome! All the greatest words in any dictionary ever compiled by anyone anywhere, could not begin to describe Jesus!
Now that we've touched on how great God is, let's get into how this applies to our lives. Near the end of Philippians chapter 2, Paul is writing to the Philippian church about Epaphroditus. In verse 30, Paul says,
Put all of yourself into following Christ. Pour your life into His design.
*A lot of these ideas I got from a sermon by Matt Chandler on "The Cross" series.
There are a countless number of things throughout our lives that demand or desire our attention. The only thing to which our attention should be so much attuned to that we worship, is Jesus Christ.
Let's put this in perspective. God created the earth. The Milky-Way. The Universe. And beyond. He also created every tiny cell. Every nucleus. Every atom. Every electron. Besides creating all these things without any effort whatsoever, God also knows how each one of these things work. Individually. He knows what is going on with that cell in your body that is going through mitosis right now, and at the same time, he knows exactly how many shooting stars are whizzing through the sky (and not just the ones in our solar system)! Okay, so this God that created every single thing, is -along with keeping the universe in order - listening to your petty complaints. Your pitiful pleas for help. Your scrawny thanks. Your ignorant demands.
Me: So, God. What's up?
God: Not much. I'm just holding together the atoms and molecules of your body. What about you?*
Think about it this way...
Me: God, if you get me out of this mess I've gotten myself into, I'll give you all my service.
God: Uh, what are you going to do? Bring me food or something? I own it all anyway.
---------------------
Me: God, if you give me a million dollars today, I'll give you the rest of my life!
God: I already own your life. I'm keeping you alive right now, you are in no position to bargain with me.
I'm sure you've heard the phrases "God is omnipotent" or "God is omnipresent". Have you ever grasped the meaning of those phrases? I know I can't. He's so beyond what I could even begin to understand. SO powerful! SO awesome! All the greatest words in any dictionary ever compiled by anyone anywhere, could not begin to describe Jesus!
Now that we've touched on how great God is, let's get into how this applies to our lives. Near the end of Philippians chapter 2, Paul is writing to the Philippian church about Epaphroditus. In verse 30, Paul says,
"Because for the work of Christ he was nigh unto death, not regarding his life, to supply your lack of service toward me."Wow! This man was so sold out to Christ that he didn't even regard his own life! That's how I want to be...so sold out to Jesus that I'm not concerned about fleeting life issues; so sold out to Jesus that I'm perfectly content with where He has me; so sold out to Jesus that it doesn't even matter where He leads me or what I'm going through, I still trust HIM; so sold out to Jesus that I'm putting my life in His hands and giving Him complete control to do what he will.
Put all of yourself into following Christ. Pour your life into His design.
*A lot of these ideas I got from a sermon by Matt Chandler on "The Cross" series.
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