When I am dry YOU fill me up.

Why does God seem far away?

I pray. Read His Word. Talk about Him to people. Why do I feel so dry?

I pray. Do I listen? Am I repenting and thanking or bargaining and demanding?

I read His Word. Is my devotions just another check mark off the list of the day?

I talk about Him to people. Are my words just an extension of my hypocrisy?

Why do I feel so dry? Am I obeying Him?

In some versions of the Bible, Romans 12 is labeled as "Marks of a True Christian". I've been reading over that list several times in the last week. Verses such as 

"Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another;" and "Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;"

jump out at me and slap me squarely in the face.  It's almost as if I'm reading this chapter and seeing more and more how much I fail at every single one of those things. How much I fail Christ.

I can't do it on my own.  On my strength I trip and fall and feel further from Jesus than ever before. I should feel incredible hopeless right now. And I do. Save for one fact. 

Jesus paid it all.  

ALL. Every time I fail and realize again how far from God I am? Jesus paid for that moment. It's not how "good" I am that saves me...it's how GREAT God is. I can do absolutely nothing apart from Him! Yet as a Christian, He now indwells me and enables me to serve Him and bring glory to His name.

Just typing it makes me excited!! I should have an incredible passion and zeal for my Creator and live every single moment solely for Him!  But I don't. I fall again into the hopelessness of my own sin nature; everyday desperately needing forgiveness and help from my Savior. And He freely gives it.

My problem? I dwell in those sins and forget to repent. TURN from them. I don't "feel" like obeying or trusting Him completely. I seek after my own comforts and forget the goodness of the God who saved me from myself.

That's been a constant theme in my life lately. Forgetting God. I'm sick of that.  My prayer right now is that the Lord will remind and help me to be a servant who is

"Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit, serving the Lord;" -Romans 12:11

 "God, empty my hands of anything that keeps me from reaching out to you."

"Our weakness is a vessel for His power and our flaws a canvas for His grace."

Maybe Someday

"Maybe I'll try it sometime when I'm feeling brave. I will just be safe today."

The lady opposite me was simply referring to a new menu item on our menu.
The Soba Chicken Noodle Broth Bowl sounds rather exotic when compared to French Onion soup with a half sandwich. Rather than exceed her comfort levels and experience new things she might hate, the customer decided to indulge in an old favorite she knew would taste good!

But her words penetrated my mind.

They made me wonder how many times I had said the exact same thing to God. "Maybe I'll try that sometime when I'm feeling brave, Jesus, but I will just be safe today."

My comfort zone isn't something I like to expand very often. It fits me. It's safe and predictable.

My comfort zone does NOT grow me. It does NOT make me more dependent on Christ. It does NOT allow me to take step out in faith.

When Jesus tells me to go and talk to someone about Him, to offer a helping hand, or maybe even make a major life decision, what is my answer to His command?

Will I take the risk?  Step outside my comfort zone and trust Him? Or will I tell Him

"Maybe sometime...but not today. I will just be safe today."

How many opportunities Jesus has given me to grow have I refused? Oh how I want to always give a joyful "yes!" to the leading of my dear kind Father, no matter where He takes me!