Those weird dreams where no one understands me. Everyone thinks the worst of me and I am crying and running away; desperate to find someone who loves me and will hold me and think the best of me.
I had one of those dreams the other night. It reminded me that there really is a hole deep inside me that no human can ever filll. In the dream it's like I've committed a horrible crime and I can't even live with myself. Everyone rejects me.
I realized that's how it is in real life. I HAVE committed a heinous crime. I've been a criminal my whole life. In no way, shape, or form do I measure up to God's standards. The One who my soul craves and the only One from whom I can truly experience love and forgiveness is too holy for me to even look at.
He could leave me there. A criminal all alone in self-pity and hate. Honestly I can't believe He doesn't.
In my dreams there is usually someone who finally rescues me. Sometimes it is a person who just holds me tight and fills me with hope that I won't be condemned forever. Sometimes I run far away and cry out to God and He comforts me. Either way I awake feeling like a stranger to this world and like Jesus knows my intermost thoughts and emotions deeper than even I do. He creates a strange longing in my heart.
The real life story hits me again. Jesus IS the One I really can cling to. Why? Because He loved me so much that He died to purchase my soul. God saw my crimes and sent His Son to pour out His precious blood as a covering for what I had done. Now God sees Jesus when He looks at me. That hole in my heart can be filled now. Filled with the only One who can satisfy. My identity is no longer in myself. It is entirely in Christ. I could never be enough and I never will be enough. But I find my rest in the One who IS enough.
He knows me by name. He calls me His own. He will never leave or forsake me. I can't earn His favor and I also can't hit a limit to His forgiveness. He is faithful.
Thursday, December 21, 2017
Friday, June 9, 2017
The meaning to life is doing dishes, right?
You will find purpose and meaning when you get married.
Nope. Nada. You WILL find lots of dishes and laundry and constantly think "how on earth can two people possibly make one place so messy? In ONE DAY?!"
You WILL find purpose in the fact that dinner may not be ready and the house may not be cleaned if you weren't there. But then you will start to wonder if that's all you were made for. Being a wife is a high calling, no doubt, but what is it that your soul is really craving? Each newly folded shirt seems to scream, "It's not me! You were made for more!"
But what?
If you start thinking "My hubby will give me purpose." then you again will be sorely disappointed. Your husband is not there to complete you or give you meaning. If you find your value in him alone (no matter how wonderful and handsome - I would know, mine is a spiritual hunk of awesomeness), you elevate him above Christ. By putting him that high, you become irrational in your expectations and hopes of your husband! If you want him to complete you, you're doomed.
Okay, well that was super helpful. I was confused about what I was supposed to do BEFORE marriage. Now I'm married and still confused.
How about this: You will find purpose in your job and/or skills.
Nope. Nada. You WILL find stress levels that go out the wazoo. Successes that sometimes go south and turn into failures, resulting in self-loathing. Pride about your work and talents. (<--- "Pride goeth before a fall" Anyone?) You will find yourself thinking "Yeah this is great, but this isn't what my soul CRAVES. Wasn't I made for more?"
You will find purpose and meaning when you look super hot.
Nope. Nada. You WILL find that you've cut yourself off the people that care the most about you. You will find loneliness and despair when you realize that no matter how much weight you lose, you're not happy. You will find obsessions and destructive habits. You might even find a good looking body in the end. . . but then you will wonder "was it worth it? Wasn't I made for more than looks?"
You will find purpose and meaning....when?
I actually pondered this question quite a bit before coming to an okay answer. I have struggled with this angst for years. To be honest, I STILL struggle with it.
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." -Genesis 2:27
Image Bearer: I was created in the very image of God Almighty. As a Christian, He has redeemed me from my sin and covered me with the blood of Christ. Now I stand before the Lord blameless and my mission (PURPOSE and MEANING) is to bring Him glory.
"Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith" -Hebrews 12:2a
My purpose and identity is found solely in Jesus. When I am looking at my circumstances or problems, I am blinding myself. My eyes are turned inward and I can't possibly be looking up at Jesus. But what if? What if I turned my gaze outward and upward? What if my life is no longer my own and I get to live as a steward of what God has given me?
He has called me to many things! He has given my life purpose and meaning. He calls me to be a servant. He calls me to build His Kingdom and not my own. He calls me to lay aside my wants and dreams. He calls me to die to myself. He sacrificed His life for mine. He died for me. How could I give any less than this?
My purpose is to serve the Lord Jesus and bring Him glory.
Is it easy? No. I sure haven't figured it out. I cry and question Him and think "God, will you ever show me what to do??" But He always makes a way. And a still small voice whispers "Keep your eyes fixed on Me."
Nope. Nada. You WILL find lots of dishes and laundry and constantly think "how on earth can two people possibly make one place so messy? In ONE DAY?!"
You WILL find purpose in the fact that dinner may not be ready and the house may not be cleaned if you weren't there. But then you will start to wonder if that's all you were made for. Being a wife is a high calling, no doubt, but what is it that your soul is really craving? Each newly folded shirt seems to scream, "It's not me! You were made for more!"
But what?
If you start thinking "My hubby will give me purpose." then you again will be sorely disappointed. Your husband is not there to complete you or give you meaning. If you find your value in him alone (no matter how wonderful and handsome - I would know, mine is a spiritual hunk of awesomeness), you elevate him above Christ. By putting him that high, you become irrational in your expectations and hopes of your husband! If you want him to complete you, you're doomed.
Okay, well that was super helpful. I was confused about what I was supposed to do BEFORE marriage. Now I'm married and still confused.
How about this: You will find purpose in your job and/or skills.
Nope. Nada. You WILL find stress levels that go out the wazoo. Successes that sometimes go south and turn into failures, resulting in self-loathing. Pride about your work and talents. (<--- "Pride goeth before a fall" Anyone?) You will find yourself thinking "Yeah this is great, but this isn't what my soul CRAVES. Wasn't I made for more?"
You will find purpose and meaning when you look super hot.
Nope. Nada. You WILL find that you've cut yourself off the people that care the most about you. You will find loneliness and despair when you realize that no matter how much weight you lose, you're not happy. You will find obsessions and destructive habits. You might even find a good looking body in the end. . . but then you will wonder "was it worth it? Wasn't I made for more than looks?"
You will find purpose and meaning....when?
I actually pondered this question quite a bit before coming to an okay answer. I have struggled with this angst for years. To be honest, I STILL struggle with it.
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." -Genesis 2:27
Image Bearer: I was created in the very image of God Almighty. As a Christian, He has redeemed me from my sin and covered me with the blood of Christ. Now I stand before the Lord blameless and my mission (PURPOSE and MEANING) is to bring Him glory.
"Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith" -Hebrews 12:2a
My purpose and identity is found solely in Jesus. When I am looking at my circumstances or problems, I am blinding myself. My eyes are turned inward and I can't possibly be looking up at Jesus. But what if? What if I turned my gaze outward and upward? What if my life is no longer my own and I get to live as a steward of what God has given me?
He has called me to many things! He has given my life purpose and meaning. He calls me to be a servant. He calls me to build His Kingdom and not my own. He calls me to lay aside my wants and dreams. He calls me to die to myself. He sacrificed His life for mine. He died for me. How could I give any less than this?
My purpose is to serve the Lord Jesus and bring Him glory.
Is it easy? No. I sure haven't figured it out. I cry and question Him and think "God, will you ever show me what to do??" But He always makes a way. And a still small voice whispers "Keep your eyes fixed on Me."
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