When I am dry YOU fill me up.

Why does God seem far away?

I pray. Read His Word. Talk about Him to people. Why do I feel so dry?

I pray. Do I listen? Am I repenting and thanking or bargaining and demanding?

I read His Word. Is my devotions just another check mark off the list of the day?

I talk about Him to people. Are my words just an extension of my hypocrisy?

Why do I feel so dry? Am I obeying Him?

In some versions of the Bible, Romans 12 is labeled as "Marks of a True Christian". I've been reading over that list several times in the last week. Verses such as 

"Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another;" and "Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;"

jump out at me and slap me squarely in the face.  It's almost as if I'm reading this chapter and seeing more and more how much I fail at every single one of those things. How much I fail Christ.

I can't do it on my own.  On my strength I trip and fall and feel further from Jesus than ever before. I should feel incredible hopeless right now. And I do. Save for one fact. 

Jesus paid it all.  

ALL. Every time I fail and realize again how far from God I am? Jesus paid for that moment. It's not how "good" I am that saves me...it's how GREAT God is. I can do absolutely nothing apart from Him! Yet as a Christian, He now indwells me and enables me to serve Him and bring glory to His name.

Just typing it makes me excited!! I should have an incredible passion and zeal for my Creator and live every single moment solely for Him!  But I don't. I fall again into the hopelessness of my own sin nature; everyday desperately needing forgiveness and help from my Savior. And He freely gives it.

My problem? I dwell in those sins and forget to repent. TURN from them. I don't "feel" like obeying or trusting Him completely. I seek after my own comforts and forget the goodness of the God who saved me from myself.

That's been a constant theme in my life lately. Forgetting God. I'm sick of that.  My prayer right now is that the Lord will remind and help me to be a servant who is

"Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit, serving the Lord;" -Romans 12:11

 "God, empty my hands of anything that keeps me from reaching out to you."

"Our weakness is a vessel for His power and our flaws a canvas for His grace."